asswipe | [ch. 6] thursday morning, w/ evan & souji

[Hm, yes, everyone is tired and dying. But this is about par! At least they had a nice break from physical maiming yesterday and just got emotionally maimed.]

I have been, yes.

[Is there even a point to it since heroes are already finished?? WHO KNOWS.]

...Yeah. Hikage and I, um, finished the objective I had with the, the falling that I told you about.

[And apparently he just didn't tell Veronica until right now?? She remains the one brain cell.]

[...

you know what? she's not even going to say anything to evan besides giving him. a dead eyed look. gazes into his soul. thoroughly judges him.]

Okay, well. Great. You need to stop because the heroes are fucking us over by going over the objective minimum.

[Veronica is tired... ANYWAY HE'S ALSO TIRED.]

Ah-- [HM. BAD. If this whole thing is about balance:] Do you need to match our number...?

[That could be a problem. Maybe they should just break the orb now and set one of these yeeters free from herodom.]

[After what Veronica's said sinks in:]

...Oh. Oh, shit.

[This is like the second time he's cursed in game and the first was because his partner died. Hm!!]

Okay. Stopping immediately, got it.

[YEAH. Yeah. Please stop yeeting, heroes. She's tired.]

The game is about balance, remember? And... That's in terms of survivors and objectives. The heroes have eleven objectives done already, and that's at a minimum. But the villains are still stuck at five. We're not going to be able to match your numbers if all the heroes keep doing their objectives.

[Sorry about their eternal yeet problems...]

Understood. [Even if he still wants tokens so he can continue yeeting in other ways!!] ...Would our objective count transfer over to whatever other category we're placed in, if we were to break the orb?

[Not saying they should yet but

it'd be good to know.]

[It's clear from the way he glances over at Veronica that he's curious about that answer, too.]

...If that's the case, do you think one of us should do it? I made sure to grab it from my old room before it vanished, so... I have it.

Edited 2018-07-19 08:04 (UTC)

... I don't know if the objectives will transfer, but I get the feeling they won't. It'd be too easy.

[And nothing about this has been convenience, so. She sighs.]

After Friday. If one of you has an easy objective coming up, you should use it. There's still a chance you might end up as a civilian, but it's worth a try. If that happens, though, you still shouldn't do your objectives. The civilians already have their seven, too.

[It's just the villains that are suffering. Save them.]

[There's a little hum of agreement at that. SEEMS FAIR.]

Alright, that sounds like a good idea to me. There's still a chance we could end up with the villains, too...

[A risk they'll apparently have to take. GOD, THESE NERDS. At least they know not to continue objective-ing now, though.

But it seems to remind him of something!!]

Ah-- By the way, I told Natsuo-kun that I'd pass his message on... He wanted to find the other villains and let them know that he'd be shouldering as much as he could with the objectives.

[But

will it count

if Natsuo is a zombie.]

...Yeah, after Friday. And... As, as awful as it sounds, we can hope that whoever it is this week is a hero or a civilian until then, I guess.

[He tilts his head to what Souji says.]

Um, that's good, right? That he's going to be doing more. If, if you want to tell him that I'll help him with anything that needs more than one person, I'd be more than willing to help.

[...

opens her mouth.

closes it.

opens it again—]

—Oh, that son of a bitch. [VERONICA?????

She's dragging a hand down her face, groaning. She's so tired. She's so done. She wishes for the sweet release of death.]

Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Okay! You cannot tell anyone about this. I'm not joking. If anyone else finds out, they'll know I leaked it and they'll make my life [FINGER QUOTES] "living hell," got it? Natsuo isn't a Villain anymore. He's a hero. Sandalphon brought him back as Snow White.

Edited 2018-07-19 08:33 (UTC)

[Ah. Hm. He's also doing the mouth open-close-open thing. He doesn't curse, but he does look like another week was just shaved off of his lifespan.

He'll nod in agreement to that stipulation, in any case. HIS LIPS ARE SEALED. But also:]

Does... Does he know that he isn't a villain anymore...?

[Three for three on the opening, then closing, the opening mouth train. They're doing well with this. Anyways, his eyes widen, and then he starts speaking quickly.]

Wait, wait, how are we supposed to stop him from doing that if we can't tell anyone what he's doing?!

Yes! Of course he knows! How could he not know? He's been getting new objectives every time he finishes one. Even he isn't that big of an idiot.

[Sorry, Natsuo. She likes you, but she's pissed.]

We can't. Nobody can know about this or I'm in deep shit. [THE DEEPEST OF SHIT.] I'm not saying we murder him or anything, but— This is bad, you know? Really, really bad. I had someone come up to me two days ago. They said they were sure people would try to make Natsuo part of the last three villains. But Natsuo isn't even a villain anymore. We have five left.

[SOUJI JUST. PRESSES HIS HANDS TO HIS FACE, LOOKING LIKE ANOTHER WEEK WAS SHAVED OFF.]

I don't understand why he thinks he's helping the villains, if that's the case...

[Is Natsuo just that dumb. Is he just... capable of so much chaos even when he's doing his Genuine Best.]

There has to be some way we can let people know. Moreover, didn't that letter make it sound like three a faction was a minimum rather than a definite?

[They're super screwed if they end up with three villains and one's Natsuo oh god.]

Natsuo's a gang leader, who knows why he does anything!

[HE'S ASCENDING. Anyways, he sucks in a breath, running a hand over his face.]

Also, I just want to say that we're jumping to murder as a viable option way too fast here?! [evan where do you think you ARE] Okay. Okay. God, um... Can't one of us talk to him, at least? We can say we wished for more information about the game and heard about what he's doing, or...

[She gives Evan. A look.]

Sure. If you want to use the token you got from jumping off a high place like a dumbass, go ahead. Make it legitimate. But you're seriously putting my head on the chopping block if you go up to him with that flimsy excuse.

[Evan, you pansy. The dead are coming back if they do this right, anyway!! Either way, she shakes her head.]

It's... complicated. This game is about balance. Heroes, Civilians and Villains need to have an almost equal number of survivors. As things are now... We'll have to whittle everyone's numbers down to five to match the villains. [It's still bad.] But I think our "friend" was talking about locking ourselves out of being able to rescue the dead. If the numbers dip below three, we're fucked.

[EVAN... Well he'll leave the whole figuring out how to break the news to Natsuo and/or kill him thing for later. For now:]

So as long as we keep it above three, we'll be able to rescue the dead.

[HIS PRIMARY CONCERN, so that's good to keep in mind. There's a somewhat cautious pause that follows, and then:]

...There's another item that can switch factions, as well. Shall I see if it can be used after Friday, depending on how things look?

...Okay. No heads on the chopping block, I won't tell anyone, I promise. [And.] What, um, what other item can switch factions?

[But, hm. As he listens to the both of them, as much as he hates to broach this topic before they absolutely have to...]

Yeah, so long as we keep it above three, but... Veronica, the information you got last week made it seem like only nine people can make it out of this alive, right? Or... That's a possibility, at least. If that's true... [...] Even if we figure out what to do about Natsuo, even if we get all the objectives finished and evened out... How are we going to pick?

[his anxiety brain going three steps ahead as usual smh]

... Is it the same item Fane and Stephanie retrieved? If so, there's someone else who's interested in using it.

[The more heroes they can flip, the better.]

That's what I thought at first, yeah. But now? I'm not so sure. And I hope my current impression is right. [If not, she's gonna lay down on the ground and die. It's fine.] Let's... Let's just worry about evening out the number of objectives, okay? Worrying about that now isn't going to help us get the job done.

[Hm yes he'll address the elephant Evan brought up soon anyway, because FIRST AND FOREMOST:]

Ah... It's not, actually.

[SO NOW THEY HAVE THREE, APPARENTLY... WOW. WOW. How... how many faction-changing items...... are they sitting on. Hm.]

I'm not sure if they would want me to mention they have it, but I can say it's a different one. They only got it recently, though.

[So at least it's not whoever's been sitting on one since WEEK ONE.]

You're not sure if it has to be three? Because if there's a chance we can save more people than nine, I'd like to...

[Know how to do it, he's about to say, but. Ah.]

...Wait. Wait a second, we have three things that can change somebody's faction?

[HE'S ASCENDING ALL OVER AGAIN, FAREWELL]

Edited 2018-07-19 09:41 (UTC)

... Jesus Christ. How many more are there?

[THEY HAVE THREE?? THREE??????????? WHOMST THE FUCK.]

Fine. Let's look at the bright side! That means you and Evan can both become villains. If the orb screws up, we could try the potion you stole, too. You said it can do anything the person who drinks it wants, right?

Those are the only ones I know about.

[AT LEAST THERE'S THAT but yep, between three items there's bound to be at least one turnover at least?!]

That's true, too. It can do anything within reason... Though I was thinking we could also use it during trial, depending. I was talking to Sousei-san about it earlier; I think it would be wise to use it so the person drinking it can tell whether or not others are being honest or lying. It would be useful for finding suspects correctly or asking about factions... Ah, maybe tokens could be used to ensure that the orb gives us the result we want?

...No. Souji can use one of them, but - there's a hero who has a lot more objectives finished than I do. In case they do carry over, that person should use one of the items, too, not me.

[But, hm. He looks thoughtful as Souji speaks.]

That's a good idea. Then we could make sure we don't vote for someone innocent.

... No offense, Souji, but I don't think that's a good idea. If the culprit turns out to be a villain, we're going to have a hard time talking everyone else out of voting for them. I— I know this sounds horrible, but we can't afford that risk.

[She's... proposing they let the culprits go. It's fine. It's not as if any of them chose to be a blotter? Either way—]

If it's the same hero I'm thinking of? No. She's only in this for herself. [HM.] I trust you, Evan. Please, I'd rather it be you and Souji than someone else. If you won't do it for the villains, then do it for me?

[Well it's not like he really minds letting culprits go considering his track record with them BUT STILL.]

Most people understand the stakes by now, don't they? Besides, we don't have to only use it to pinpoint the culprits. It could also be useful in case anyone lies about being a villain to try protecting themselves, when they're a hero or civilian.

[He's not married to the idea though, so if they're not gung-ho he'll probably let it drop for now. Also he's giving them both an inquisitive look... WHO IS THIS SELFISH HERO??]

--I'd honestly prefer for you to use it, too.

[To Evan. He only knows like one other hero though okay.]

That's... You don't want us to vote for the culprit if they're a villain?

[He can see the necessity in what she's saying, but it strikes him as Wrong. Since he can understand the logic, he won't speak against it, but it's not difficult to tell he doesn't like the idea.]

...Well, um, it depends what hero you're thinking of. [He hesitates, because it seems wrong to him to reveal her faction to multiple people, but—] Rebecca's a really good person. Why do you think she's only in it for herself?

[Evan is too trusting, round 2768754869.]

I guess... It could be useful for that. Like I said, I know it sounds horrible. I'm more scared about dooming the dead than I am about catching someone who was forced to murder, though.

[So. Yeah. When Rebecca comes up, Veronica's expression twists into a grimace.]

Again, you can't tell anyone. They'll know I blabbed, but... Rebecca's a Historian. She knows how important keeping a balance is. All the Historians do, but she keeps completing her objectives. If she really cared about anyone other than herself, she'd stop and focus on helping the Villains.

No, I understand.

[HE'S... A PRAGMATIC SOUL sorry Evan you're alone in the justice boat, apparently. But considering who's dead and all, it's only natural that Souji's first priority is ensuring that the dead are brought back.

IN ANY CASE, he just nods at that, apparently unruffled by this. People are turning out to have roles left and right! It's fine! Sure! God!!]

Mm... Still, won't it be a problem if she continues to complete hers? I'd trust Evan more and I'd prefer for him to change factions, but...

[If Rebecca's just out here being Rebecca... What Then.]

[He gets it, even if he doesn't like it, but. He'll focus on the more pressing matter at hand here.]

...If she keeps completing her objectives, it's my fault. I didn't know that was the case, so I...

[He bites his lip.]

She said there were a few medications back home that she usually takes. Ones like... the one I had to take back home. We have, um, something similar going on. [So, he sympathized. He knows how difficult it's been for him without it.] I told her that I'd help her with whatever objectives she needed until she could get her medicine back, so. If she kept completing them, that's my fault, not hers.

[... she

rubs at her face.]

Great. Now I get to feel like an asshole, too. [Save Rebecca, wtf.] Look, I... If you can talk her out of doing her objectives, I know someone who could get her the rest of her medicine back. She'd have to write down a really detailed description of what the medicine does, and they'll all be liquids, but I promise the person I'm talking about is reliable.

[She just doesn't want to leave their fate in the hands of the Historians for Reasons. It's fine. Either way—]

Souji, before I forget— Is there any way you could leave a hint of who has the item you were talking about? I'm not saying it will, but if something bad happens tomorrow...

[They'll have a dead tb ballerina and no switchy.]

[TO BE FAIR, if she's a Historian she should still know that balance is important even with Evan encouraging her to complete her objectives!! But Souji bites his tongue on that one, and leaves it up to them to work out. He doesn't know Rebecca very well anyway, even if he has nothing against her personally.

As for the rest:]

On the floor in my room, there's a cookbook with a blue spine that has a hole at the bottom. If I die, open the spine and take what's inside. It should have everything you need.

[Of course he's Prepared for this, he's been slowly dying the entire game.]

...Neither of you are going to die, okay? So don't say anything like that. But - I keep the orb under my bed if you need it, just in case.

[But once that's out of the way, he gives Veronica a glance, shaking his head.]

You aren't an, an asshole, I promise. You didn't know. But - I'll talk to her tomorrow.

[She sombres up as she realizes that Souji has a failsafe in the event that he dies, but. Well. It's practical. So she doesn't insist that he'll be okay, unlike Evan.]

... Thank you, Souji. Does your partner know about this? [Better to be sure just in case one of them has to break into Stabby Ion's room, lbr.

But also—]

If you talk to her, don't tell her you know she's a Historian. Just— You can say you wrote to Beauty and got a letter back, or... something? I can get you a forgery if she asks to see it.

[Evan gets a little smile in response to his Evan-ness, because it's endearing, honestly. But he's practical despite his eccentricities, especially when it comes to death.

Veronica gets a little nod in response to the thanks; a polite, wordless "of course".]

I'll let him know tonight.

[He'll give Stabby Ion a list of people not to stab, it's fine, they're fine.]

[He's definitely giving them both a Look as they both move past his insistence, but he doesn't say anything else about it.]

Yeah. I won't tell her anything like that. I mean, the letter Varian shared with everyone mentioned the other two factions needed to step it up, so... I can just say that's why I was thinking about it.

[A shrug.]

I'll bring it up with her tomorrow, and we can all regroup after that or something.

[She nods.]

... Okay. That's our plan, then. [Hopefully survive and then regroup. God.] I don't have anything else to add, so unless one of you has something they want to share...?

[A little nod! Sounds good to him.]

Regrouping tomorrow sounds like the best idea.

[Hopefully none of them are dead!! Y...yay...]

...Yeah, that sounds good.

[But, given how the other two brought up the possibility of one of them Super Dying tonight:]

You guys be careful, okay?

... You, too. I'll see you guys in the morning, okay? Be safe.

[Gosh, how tragic it would be if one of them showed up

super dead

ELI!!!]

[ch. 6] thursday morning, w/ evan & souji

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one last tag so i can 🖕🖕🖕 at eli