[ch. 1] post-trial, w/ evan

[asswipe]

[Evan will stumble across Veronica pretty easily. She's seated on the staircase leading up to the second floor, seemingly staring at some of the decorative tapestries in the foyer. When she notices Evan, she manages a small smile.]

... That mess really just happened, huh?

Comments

[selfinserting]

...Yeah. It was - awful.

[That's what he begins with, taking a seat next to her. The concern on his face, though, doesn't have to do with what they just went through. It has to do with what's going to come next.]

That's not, um, what I wanted to talk to you about, though.

[asswipe]

[She hums, noncommittal.]

Okay, I'll bite. What do you want to talk about?

[selfinserting]

[He hesitates a moment, but he can't come out and say it. He can only dance around the topic.]

Are you... feeling okay?

[You know, with the whole possible impending death thing going on.]

[asswipe]

I'm...

[She's not. Not at all. Death is scary and even when she held that bomb back in her own world, it didn't mean that she was entirely unafraid. She doesn't want to die, no, but...]

I'm getting by. There are bigger fish to fry tomorrow.

[She hopes the person who saves the partnerless will come through for Natsuo and Magnus, if nothing else.

After a beat:]

... Thank you, though, Evan. [she got u.]

[selfinserting]

...You don't have to say that.

[A pause; he can't quite look at her, but he sounds incredibly sincere, even pained, as he continues.]

There's not bigger fish, that's... W-What happens to you matters as much as anything else that happens tomorrow.

[asswipe]

I do.

[She might not say it again, after all.]

I'm not... [Important. Worth it. Deserving of it?? There are a lot of objectives, but ultimately, she sighs and shakes her head. She settles on:] What happens to Magnus and Natsuo matters, too. If the person who saved Sousei and Jae-ha can do it again, I want them to save those two. They deserve to live just as much as anyone else in this stinking castle.

[selfinserting]

...You are, though. I-Important, I mean.

[He leaves the 'to me' unsaid. He hasn't known Veronica for long, but - more than most people here, he already considers her a friend.]

So you deserve it, too. Why wouldn't you...?

[asswipe]

I... It's not that I think it's okay if I die. [is it?] I want to live. I really, really want to stay alive, but I—

[...]

I don't want to put my own life above that of those two just because I'm scared, Evan. It's too horrible.

[She doesn't want to be Heather Chandler, or J.D., or anyone else who believes it's okay to be cruel. She wants to try and do something right, for once.]

[selfinserting]

I don't... t-think you are, though. It's not like you're, um, doing anything to endanger them any more than they already are by saying you're important.

[He glances towards her, then back to the ground.]

I mean, we don't know h-how this works. Maybe all three of you could just... I-I don't know.

[asswipe]

No. You're right, I'm not. But it just... It feels bad. [She feels selfish, is what she's saying. Selfish and greedy and cruel like the others.

God.]

... If we could just pair up together? I wish, but... that sounds too easy. Too ideal.

[selfinserting]

...Yeah. I get it. But e-even if it feels like that... Wanting to live isn't selfish.

[It isn't as though he can't relate. How many nights here has he laid awake, thinking about how everyone here wants to live, has always wanted to live, and deserves that chance more than someone who nearly gave that away in a moment of weakness? But - this isn't about him. He shakes his head.]

You never know. I-It won't hurt to hope for it, will it?

[asswipe]

... No, it won't. [She sighs, slumping against the staircase railing.] Besides, the worst that could happen is already... you know. Can't make it any worse by hoping for a miracle.

[She's trying to joke about it, but. It's still depressing.]

[selfinserting]

[He nods, and while he still looks incredibly stressed...]

Is there anything, anything I can do for you in, um, in the meantime?